Enxian
♥ Varat
♥ HelloKitty, Singing
The girl who laughs and talks alot and seems very happy, is also the girl who might cry herself to sleep someday. She has a weird attitude and gets emotional easily. She bottles up her feelings and would think negatively at times. She gets hurt not just once, but more than that, but she managed to go thru th obstacles and became stronger. Because she found an amazing boyf thats willing to love her wholeheartedly. Love her without fear, trust her without doubts. Dont ever judge her because of that. Everyone leads a different live. Put yourself in her shoes and you will understand her someday. Nobody is perfect, she's not perfect either. She believes in miracles. Do you ?
Shesays
Tagboard
Sweetescapes
♥2ED'10♥
ALICIA
BEVERLY
CAIYING
CINDY
CHERIE
CHEEKIAT
CHINTENG
CLARENCE
DARWISYAH
DERON
DINGJUN
DIMPAL
DOMINIC.O
ELAINE
FELICIA.J
FELICIA.K
GERALDINE
HIDAYU
HUITONG
HUIXIN
JIAMIN
JINYI
JIAYING
JIANHE
JULNIEE
JOEL
KELLYN
KENNIX
LIHSER
MAYBER
MELLY
NICK
PEIPEI
PEIWEN
SIXIAN
SHAREN
SHAZLYN
SHAFIQAH
SHUQIN
SARA
SHAOQIN
SHANDY
SHEEMAY
SINWEE
SYAHRUL
TERRENCE
VENUS
WEITING
XUEYING
YINGJIE/YIJING
YIJIE
YUQING
YUTING
YUJIE
Askher
Pastfairytale
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
August 2011
September 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012 Thursday, December 29, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011 Saturday, August 27, 2011 Monday, August 15, 2011 Sunday, August 7, 2011 Saturday, August 6, 2011 Friday, August 5, 2011 Sunday, January 23, 2011
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
August 2011
September 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
Singalong
Sunday, March 4, 2012
1year 9months 5days - This is how far we had gone. Thru rain and shine. Starting from knowing you at the swimming complex till now that we can even lay in bed sleeping together. It had never crossed my mind that we could ever last for so long. Starting from being so shy with one another during the first month tgt. Went thru so much obstacles and finally tgt. I still remember it was our 2nd month that we kissed for the first time. It was almost our 1year till we broke up then. It hurts so badly, i never want to let you go my dear. I tried my best for everything i could do to get you back. Going to the beach alone to look for our rings, putting in effort to wake you up every morning without fail. Being there for you even when you're upset over other girls. Fighting for you when you're at your weakest. Being there to bathe and takecare of you when you're in a cast. I know this is all i could do. Remember the cookie that you made for me for vday? Remember all the letters and cards you wrote for me for every special occasions? Remember those days when we laid in bed talking bout our lifes? Remember those days when we hugged each other so tightly after a quarrel? Those days when we kissed under the stars? Those days when i would wait excitedly for you to arrived at the airport? Those days when we had long talks over the night? Those days when i received sweet long texts from you.... All these are more than enough for me to explain how much i love you. Yeah, you really hurt me alot. But i never want to give you up because i really still love you alot. We've come so far.... If this is really the ending you want, im sorry. I failed to make you stay, i failed to make you feel like im the one. Everything shall end here.
I will always love you, xoxo
do you love me ? , :D
9:53 AM
9:53 AM
Saturday, January 14, 2012
So what if you got what you always wanted? People said you shld fight fer th things you really love. But sometimes it became th wrong decision. I've been trying so hard, i've been fighting so hard to keep this love going on. But, why does it feel so different as time goes by? It just hurts so much when i know that you wanna give up on me, give up on us. So what if i still love you alot? It's pointless once your love fer me has disappear. Yeahh, i know, i still gotta let you go someday, sooner or later. But no one can control my feelings fer you. I really enjoyed being tgt with you everytime, thou we used to quarrel alot of times. But, what's a relationship without quarrels?... I love you dear. As always.
xoxo,
do you love me ? , :D
11:23 PM
11:23 PM
Thursday, December 29, 2011
So, it's gonna be th end of 2011 in afew days time. and 2012 is coming into out life soon, th end of th world? Nahh, it wont happen. What a hectic year it was. So many things happened, dont you just get tired of it? I do. Relationship, friendship, studies, school, family. Sometimes i just wanna put down everything and go on a long vacation to fucking enjoy myself. But will that ever happen? Yeahh, but not now. Sigh. I had no idea why is god giving such life obstacles fer me. Make th guy which i once thought he was th one to leave me again, again and again? Please, i had enough. I gave him everything i had, and these what i get in return? I loved him so much that i could sacrifice anything just fer him. I was th only there fer him when he was being despise by everyone. Th only one there fer him when he got no one to turn to. Th one who bathe fer him everyday when he was in a cast. Th one who was there fer him till he wanted to leave me again. Sometimes i just wished someone could tell him how much i loved him, how much he shld hold me tight and never let me go. Guess it was really a mistake right frm th very start, we shldnt even get tgt. Sigh. Im so tired of everything. If only everything could turn out th way i wanted it to be like. And to him : who was th one who held me tightly in his arms saying tht he's sorry fer everything and wont let me go anymore? Who was th one who begged me to wait fer him? Who was th one who said tht "you're th one" ? So what if you still love me? So what if im th one who knows you th best? So what if im th only one whose always been there fer you? Everything will be different soon. They said it's just a matter of time, but all these memories will just haunt me down more. That hurts. Im just so tired of all this, i just wanna be a happy girl. I love you.
xoxo
do you love me ? , :D
3:17 PM
3:17 PM
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Dear Varat,
so yeahh, wednesday i quarrelled with your bestfren? And then wht, you came looking fer me. You texted me, called me. And i was like, omg. I wanted t reply so so so much, but then i also scared and idk if i shld?.. Then when i finally replied you and after you told me wht you wanted t say, i just replied 'ohh, okay.' and i didnt expect you t reply "text me when you okay ba." i still thought tht day, it will be th end fer us. Neither did i expect you t ask me out. Tht's why i replied you "you sure you're asking me out?" Im so happy yeahh (: Then th next morning, you even auto text me, like once in a blue moon you know. Then you also text me after sch, wahh. So happy huh. Finally, i decided t meet. Im veh afraid tht i made th wrong choice. Cox no one knows wht th future holds. Wht if things turn worst after th outing? Wht if you asked fer patch? Sigh.. You treated me like girlf, and we behaved like a new couple. I really really enjoyed it, (: I miss you badly baby. But when you keep saying "how i wish we can be like last time" and i keep saying "we can." but you keep saying not anymore.. I alr knew tht you didnt wann t patch. Tht's why in th theatre, i told you "if you really have no intention of patching anymore, then we shldnt contact each other anymore. If you still wann t be frens, give me my time t forget bout us." And there you went silent, and you asked me "isnt it good tht we remain like this?" I will never be able tell you wht i mean by a "relationship" After th movie, i tried t distance myself frm you alr. Cox idw t put too much emotions into it cox i know we'll be seperated again. And tht it will be super long till we went out like this again... But then, we quarrelled while otw home. I was feeling damn terrible tht time, i feel like, okay, i regretted going out with you. But then i know i enjoyed and i didnt regret. Then when we're walking t th bus stop, i just took up th courage and asked, "why did you even come back t me again? I thought we're supposed t end on wednesday. You shld just let me go and dont be frens anymore." And when i asked you "So, we really have no more chance t patch anymore?" And you said "no." And then after afew secs, you said "actually i just need more time, but if you really cant wait anymore, tell me." You know im always waiting varat, you know. You know my feelings fer you wont fade so easily, you know. And then you lied t me, you said you're going home. But you went t meet her.. Sigh.. But! When we talked on phone after tht, you just tell me "i wont lie t you anymore, this will be th last time. I wont be so close with her anymore. And she's doing good with her boyf. Dont worry." And tht's when i decided t say out all my feelings again. Im glad t know tht you're really listening t me. Really. You told me "i can only remember th bad things tht happened btw us, not th good things at all." And im like "i can only remember th happy moments, i cant even remember why we used t quarrel so much fer." And i said it's cox you only remember th bad things tht's why you always said we cant be th same anymore. And becox i always think of th good things tht's why im still holding on. It just seems like, our love had never stopped before. So when we're bout t hang up, you said "i love you" omg. I heard it, but i pretended i didnt and then you never say again le ): But you told me t call you th next morning when i wake up (: And so i did, and then you even text me after you woke up. Woah. And th next thing i knew was, "En Xian, i love you! And i miss you badly. ):" i swear im so fucking happy. I swear i thought it was just a dream. Omg. and when i texted you "is tht fer real? Is tht really you who posted it?" And when you replied, "yes!!! (: it's real darling" Woahhh.. I couldnt believe it. But then you like dont really wann t tok t me alr? Till now i've been waiting fer you t call or text me, but you didnt.. ): Wht happened again? Please dont tell me you changed your mind? Anyway, im really happy fer th past few days everytime when i recieved a text frm you! I bet now you know tht. I really miss you alot dear, but i always didnt wann t tell you cox im afraid i wont even get a reply. And i love it when you asked me "do you still love me?" I really like it. I hope one day when i asked you tht too, you can just reply me "yeahh, i always do (:" But of cox fer now, i didnt wann t tok bout it. I just wann t let you have your own time t think bout it and tell me when you're ready. And i just love th way you took th initative t kiss me, hold my hand, hug me first. I really do, i cant deny i dont miss those times.
Love you baby.
do you love me ? , :D
10:26 PM
10:26 PM
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Dear varat, ytd was th 2nd month since we broke up. And tmr will be th day when everything will come t an end. Fer all th past two months, i've been trying non stop, every means just t get you back. I did not give up at all, thou i said i gave up alot alot alot of times. Frens told me tht you didnt even put in any effort at all. I will always come up with positive excuses. Sometimes i really wonder if it's even worth anot. Maybe you're just taking me fer granted? It's also a bad thing tht i know you too well, tht's why i always didnt wann t let go. I know, everything wont be th same anymore. When i care bout you, you find me irritating and didnt wann t contact me. But when i didnt contact you, you said i've moved on. Since when did i ever said tht? I thought i told you i will only give up when my feelings fer you had gone? Im not like you, can take it so easy. There's so so so many things i wanted t say, t tell you. But now i see no point, whtever shit i say, you wont fucking give a damn. It's okay. Im tired of everything. So wht if i still hold on, so wht if i tell you i miss you, so wht if i told you i love you? You wont do th same.
do you love me ? , :D
9:54 PM
9:54 PM
Monday, August 15, 2011
Dear Varat,
today's th 50th day since we brokeup. Didnt update much th past 1week. Sigh.. I still thought i will be th one fetching you frm airport. But it turns out that, she's th one who went. It hurts. You even spend your whole day with her. If i were th one, i dont think we will spend th whole day tgt. I used t be th one you always wanted t see when you first reached sg, i used t be th one you called frm thailand, i used t be th one you hang out with everyday. But now? She can just easily replaced me.. Is she really just a fren t you? I had no idea.. It really hurts everyday. But on this day, thursday (11/08/11),
Girl : Hello, free?
Guy: Why?
Girl: Need someone t tok t.
Guy: Im outside, call me back ltr?
Girl: With her?
Guy: Call you back ltr.
*Call me ltr? (Guy texted girl)
*Guy called her.
Guy: Yeahh?
Girl: What?
Guy: You need someone t tok to? Im here fer you.
Girl: What? You seems t be happy with your life now, everyday also hang out with her.
Guy: No, who say that. Im not happy at all.
Girl: Dont lie, you everyday also with her. She even went t fetch you that day... I still thought after you came back frm thailand everything will be better, but it turn out worst..
Guy: Who says? We will be better! Then you seems t be happy with your life too?
Girl: If that's wht you think then idk wht t say. I act like i am, but deep inside im not, at all.
Guy: Why did you shout at me in sch today? I saw you happily with your frens, and when i walked over you screamed at me.
Girl: Becox you did it, You managed t make me hate you, give up on you, forget bout you.
Guy: *Silent. So you really hate me now?....
Girl: Yeahh, somehow. Especially that day when she was th one at th airport with you.
Guy: Why? We're just frens.
Girl: Yeahh, i know. I tried t convince myself that you 2 are just frens. Im jealous you know, but thtere's nth i can do. I have no rights anymore... And finally i managed t ignore you today.. Fer th veh first time ever since we brokeup..
Guy: Yeahh. 2 times somemore...
Girl: But do you know? When i was walking away when you called my name, my heart was breaking into pieces inside.. But i have t mean..
Guy: So means that you still love me?!
Girl: Yeahh.. I always do. Just that you dk...
Guy: *Laughs
Girl: You know, i havent seen you fer so long. It seems like i've alr started t forget how you look like.
Guy: I never forget how you look like. Your chubby face....
Girl: Why do you keep coming back t me?! Everytime when i had really really made up my mind not t think bout you anymore. You will always come back t me.. Wht am i supposed t do then?!
Guy: I dont want t lose you..
Girl: Everytime when i said i give up, actually i still cant. Th first thing i do when i wake up, go t your fb profile, *i miss him* Everynight before i sleep, go t your fb profile *i miss him*. But i managed not t view your profile fer 3days alr.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Becox i know your wall is polluted by her name.
Guy: You know? Actually i view your profile everyday..
Girl: *Silent.
Guy: Wht if i tell you that i miss you? Will you believe me?
Girl: Yeahh, maybe? Cox we didnt really see each other and tok that much fer almost 2weeks alr.
Guy: So now im telling you, i miss you. And i love you darling.
Girl: Ohh, really?
Guy: *Laughs.
Girl: So wht am i supposed t do now? Be happy becox you said you love me? Or sad becox i failed t do wht i am supposed t do?..
Guy: I know you cant ignore me.
Girl: SEE! You know my weakness. That's my weakness...
Guy: *Laughs. I didnt know that.
Wht am i supposed t do? You know i will always be there fer you whenever you need me. You know.
do you love me ? , :D
5:35 PM
5:35 PM
Sunday, August 7, 2011
42Days ~
Dear Varat,
I've been missing you every single day. But idk how you feel fer me over there.. I sweared i was veh happy when you called me ytd morning, thou it was only fer awhile. But sudd today i saw a post on your fb wall frm sakinah. I didnt know wht t do at that time. I knew th photo was also taken on last wed when you called and asked me out but we didnt meet in th end. It was taken that day i know.. And i know you did call her frm thailand during these few days.. It's pretty obvious actually.. Sigh.. Perhaps you rather call her than tok t me. )': Wht can i do? I also cant possibly call you and ask you why you called her. Becox i know im just a fren t you now. Perhaps she mean more t you now? I was so heartbroken... I really didnt know wht t do. I just hope that you know wht you're actually doing and if it's th right thing t do anot. But whenever i know bout you and other girls, i think of myself too. I do tok with other guys, i do hang out with other guys too. So i tend t understand more now. You get it? All i ever wanted was t get back tgt with you happily, much much much more better than th past. Provided you still love me. Thou i know things cant be th same anymore.. I kept listening t this song "Wo Zhi Dao" by by2. Somehow it seems t tok bout us. I know whtever you're doing now always have a reason behind it, only you yourself know clearly wht you wann. Nobody can tell you. Neither do i.. But i know i've changed alot. Do you even realise it? ): You know, i know.
I love you baby.
do you love me ? , :D
7:37 PM
7:37 PM
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Another day had passed. I havent seen you fer quite a long time.. I realised we didnt tok much since last monday, 01/08/11. We didnt really meet up either. Just that on wednesday, 03/08/11, you actually called and asked if wann meet, i was so happy. But i didnt really show out. Just as i was abt t walk down and take bus, sudd you say dw meet le.. Sigh.. My heart sank.. But it's okay, now i dont really see th need fer us t meet everyday. Maybe absence will make th heart grow fonder? But idk if you still have feelings fer me not.. I know my feelings fer you have never change. That's why i decided t write th letter and pass it t you before you leave. I wann you t really think carefully abt us during these few days when we're apart frm one another. And abt th other letter abt saying im ready t let go, im being forced t write one okay. Some people say that maybe you might think i've alr started t let go and forget you. But it's not okay! Im just giving you more space and time.. Cox i scared i've been toking t you too much lately. Do you understand? They also tell me maybe it's becox of th way i treat you sometimes, like im actually veh happy but i didnt really show out. But now im telling you, everytime when im with you, im really happy. There's also afew times that you just sudd say i dont seems t care abt you anymore, but actually i did, and there's never once that i give up on you. Never.. Sometimes you just so cute can! And ytd idk why i looked thru our photos and read our past conversation on fb. We used t be so fine in th past, i can really tell th difference btw last time and now. But of cox i know, if you're willing t give us one more chance, i know we will be better. Cox all th problems have alr been solved. I know wht went wrong in our r/s, and i had changed fer th better. And fer now, all i wann t do is just let you t think carefully and idw t pressurize you too. I just wann you t be happy dear.
do you love me ? , :D
9:39 AM
9:39 AM
Friday, August 5, 2011
Dear Varat,
i miss you alot during th past 40days when we're just frens. Th day when we broke up, everything seems t just end suddenly. Th whole world stop revolving. I didnt know wht t do, all i can do is just cry and cry and cry. I came back t you, and start begging you not t leave... And you told me, "we're over, face th facts. I've alr made up my mind, i wont change my mind again." All i was thinking in my mind was, wht else can i really do t make you come back t me? Idk if it's true that im th one whose lying t myself or is it that you're lying t yourself. During these 40days, many many things happened. Good and bad things happened.. Few days before our supposingly t be 1year2mths, you told our fren that you wanna ask fer patch. But wht happens on that day itself? It's my worst day ever ): Everything ended that day, everything.. When i saw th posts on your fb wall, i knew you had alr made up your mind.. Why? Why cant you just give us one more chance? I tried so many ways t get you back. And i changed becox i learnt so many things after we brokeup. I get t take things easier and be more understanding. I know there's still alittle hope in our r/s. How t hate when there's still love? Really, too many things happened alr. I really dk t start frm where. But i can remember every single details that happened each there. Becox they mean alot t me now. Sometimes i will think of our past memories and wonder when will it happen again? If it does happen again, it will be a much more better one (: I cant deny th fact that everyday you're on my mind, everyday.. There are times that i wanted t let go too, but i cant! And i remember saying t you "I will only give up when my feelings fade fer you.." Till now, my love fer you have never ever change. I just wann you t know, everything i do i give my heart and soul. There are alot alot of things t tell you too, but im just waiting fer th right moment. One more chance? I miss you...
do you love me ? , :D
5:03 PM
5:03 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Went out with deardear today :D. Met at 11.30am at somerset. Had lunch at superdog dhn start shopping. Went t forever21 and finally bought a dress that cost a bomb cannn ! BUT, deardear paid fer it, and also - fer th first time he paid fer th veh first piece of clothes i bought when we're tgt (: Ty deardear. Went t newlook and bought a top toooo. Spent abt 2hrs at 313@somerset dhn walked t far east plaza. Bought nothing there, bused t clarke quay and dhn t bugis. Alamak, crowded like hell siia ! So pekchek. Deardear bought his stuffs, and finally, we're able t leave that place x.x ! Headed off t iluma, actually wanted t watch movie but not t our timing so instead continued shopping fer my clothes ^^ Had a tea-break at coffeebean. Walked around iluma, bought 2sets of clothes at nichii. Had dinner at pastamania and homesweethome. So in th end i bought 2dresses, 2tops and 1skirt. Deardear bought 1vest, 3shirts and 2pants. All i choose fer him de leyyy. And and and, a so called "couple shirts" fer both me and deardear :D -- Marioooooo ! SO COOL CAN. Heehee ^^v ! Total - we spent over 300 bucks ... OMG. I swear, im not going t buy clothes fer atleast 3mths mancxz. Anyway, enjoyed today's outing alot ley (: I love you deardear (:
xoxo
do you love me ? , :D
8:49 PM
8:49 PM